Some sex acts sound pretty damn great in theory. They look amazing when performed in porn vids, sound wild when your mate talks about them, and feel like something everyone should try at least once. However, according to real sex workers (you know, the people who’ve seen and done it all?), a few of those “bucket list” moves are way more effort than they’re worth.
Here’s what some of the most popular London escorts say are the most overrated sex acts… and why you might be better off skipping them.
1. 69
It’s one of the most talked-about (and joked-about) positions in history, which some see as the “win-win” of oral sex. Except, well… it’s not always that good in practice..
Several escorts admit that yes, it *does* look sexy, and the sense of being both in control and totally vulnerable is enticing. But the reality? It’s hard to actually relax when half your brain’s trying to focus on sucking or licking, and the other half’s trying to focus on the pleasure you’re receiving. It ends up being more of a coordination test than a turn-on.
Most say the same thing: take turns. There’s no rush, and you’ll both enjoy it way more when you’re not distracted by trying to give and receive at the same time. One goes down, the other enjoys… then you switch. It’s simpler and much more enjoyable for both parties involved.
2. Most Kama Sutra Positions
There’s a reason porn directors love the Kama Sutra… it looks incredible on camera. But anyone who’s actually tried those positions in real life knows they’re far more acrobatic than erotic.
Some escorts admit that half the time, someone’s knee gives out or both people end up laughing halfway through. The novelty wears off the moment one of you realises you’re holding a plank position while trying to stay sexy. It’s not exactly something one would describe as either relaxing or erotic.
The truth is, the classics (missionary, doggy, cowgirl) remain popular for a reason: they actually work. Those over-the-top Kama Sutra poses sound exotic on paper, but they’re often more about showing off than pleasure. If you need a diagram, a stretch, and a deep breath before starting, it’s probably not that hot.
3. Shower Sex
Everyone’s imagined it: hot water running down your soapy bodies, her pushed up against the shower screen while steam fills the room. Sounds hot, right? Well, in reality, the act is often too slippery, too awkward, and a logistical nightmare.
Escorts say the fantasy is better than the execution. The positioning is almost always uncomfortable for both parties, and you’ll find that most of your focus is on not slipping over. Even condoms don’t behave… they slip, shift, and ruin the moment entirely.
That’s not to say it can’t be sexy. Most agree that shower sex works best as foreplay before moving things somewhere safer (and less likely to break a hip). Do the wet bit first, then finish it off in bed.
4. Titty Fucking
As you might have guessed, this one’s for the guys. It’s a visual feast and great for ego-stroking. Watching your cock slide between a perfect pair of tits is as hot as it gets. But here’s the thing most men forget: it doesn’t actually feel that good for her.
Escorts will tell you it’s more of a performance act than a pleasure one. Unless a woman’s chest is particularly sensitive, she’s not getting much out of it… other than the satisfaction of watching you lose your mind. That doesn’t mean it’s a waste of time, though. It’s about eye contact, control, and the power dynamic.
Still, don’t fool yourself into thinking her moans are from pleasure. They’re part of the show. She’s turning you on… and that, in itself, can be a massive turn-on for her too. Just… maybe mix it up with something that gets her off as well.
5. Sex on the Beach
It sounds like a wet dream come true, but anyone who’s ever tried it will tell you: it’s more irritation than inspiration.
Sand gets absolutely everywhere. Once it’s in, it’s not coming out anytime soon… and grinding against it is basically the world’s least sexy exfoliation. Add wind, cold water, and the constant paranoia of getting caught, and suddenly the whole idea feels more like a bad holiday memory than a fantasy come true.
The smart move is to take it somewhere nearby… a beach hut or even a hotel balcony, if you’re feeling brave. You still get the thrill of being “somewhere you shouldn’t,” just without the sandpapered genitals.
Are You Taking Notes?
There’s nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy! That’s half the fun of sex, after all. But the best encounters aren’t about doing everything you’ve seen in porn or ticked off a list. They’re about knowing what actually feels good for both people.
So next time you’re tempted to suggest something complicated, slippery, or sandy… maybe think twice. Because if the pros say it’s overrated, chances are, they’ve learned the hard way.
